Have you ever found yourself agreeing with someone when you don't really share their opinion? Or saying you're fine when, deep down, you're struggling?
Most of us do this occasionally. We want to fit in, avoid conflict, or simply be liked. But sometimes, without realising it, we become so accustomed to meeting other people's expectations that we begin to lose touch with who we really are.
From an early age, we learn that certain behaviours, feelings and attitudes are more acceptable than others. Perhaps we were praised for being strong, keeping quiet, or putting others first. Over time, we may come to believe that being accepted depends on behaving in particular ways.
The psychologist Carl Rogers, who developed person-centred therapy, described these expectations as conditions of worth. We begin to measure our value through the approval of others, rather than trusting our own feelings and experiences.
This can leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves. We might struggle to express our needs, find it difficult to say no, or feel guilty when we put ourselves first. Sometimes, we may not even know what we truly want anymore.
So how do we begin to reconnect with ourselves?
Person-centred counselling offers a space where we can explore our thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement or pressure to be different. Through a relationship built on empathy, acceptance and genuine understanding, we can gradually become more comfortable with who we are.
Being ourselves doesn't mean disregarding others or always knowing exactly what we want. It means recognising that our feelings matter, our experiences are valid, and we don't have to earn acceptance by pretending to be someone else.
Perhaps being ourselves begins with something quite simple: giving ourselves permission to be human, just as we are.